ACTVS, III. SCENA, I.
Enter old Seely and Ioane his wife.
Seely.COme away wife, come away, and let us be rea-
dy to breake the Cake over the Brides head at
her entrance ; we will have the honour of it,
we that have playd the Steward and Cooke at
home, though we loſt Church by’t, and ſaw not
Parſon
Knit knot doe his office, but wee ſhall
ſee all the houſe rites perform’d ; and— — oh what a day of jol-
lity and tranquility is here towards?
Ioane.You are ſo frolick and ſo cranck now, upon the truce
is taken amongſt us, becauſe our wrangling ſhall not wrong the
Wedding, but take heed (you were beſt) how ye behave your
ſelfe, leſt a day to come may pay for all.
Seel.I feare nothing, and I hope to dye in this humor.
Joan.Oh how hot am I! rather then I would dreſſe ſuch a-
nother dinner this twelve moneth, I would wiſh Wedding
quite out of this yeares Almanack.
Seel.Ile fetch a Cup of Sack Wife— —
Ioan.How brag he is of his liberty, but the holyday carries it.
Seel.Here, here ſweet-heart, they are long me thinks a com-
ming, the Bels have rung out this halfe houre, harke now the
wind brings the ſound of them ſweetly againe.
Ioan.They ring backwards methinks.
Seel.Ifack they doe, ſure the greateſt fire in the Pariſh is in
our Kitchin, and there’s no harme done yet, no ’tis ſome merry
conceit of the ſtretch-ropes the Ringers, now they have done,
and now the Wedding comes, hearke, the Fidlers and all, now
have I liv’d to ſee a day, come, take our ſtand, and be ready for
the Bride-cake, which we will ſo cracke and crumble upon her
crowne: o they come, they come.
E 3Enter
The Witches of Lancaſhire.
Enter Muſitians, Lawrence, Parnell, Win. Mal. Spencer,
two Country Laſſes, Doughty, Greg. Arthur, Shak-
ton, Bantam, and Whetſtone.
All.
Ioy, health, and children to the married paire.
Lawr. & Parn.We thanke you all.
Lawr.So pray come in and fare.
Parn.As well as we and taſte of every cate:
Lawr.With bonny Bridegroome and his lovely mate.
Arth.This begins bravely.
Doug.They agree better then the Bels eene now, ’ſlid they
rung tunably till we were all out of the Church, and then they
clatter’d as the divell had beene in the Bellfry: on in the name
Lawr.On with your melody.
Bant.Enter the Gates with joy,
The Fidlers paſſe through,
And as you enter play the ſack of
Troy.and play the battle.
The Spirit appeares.
Ioan.Welcome Bride
Parnell.
Seel.Bridegroome
Lawrence eke,
In you before, for we this cake muſt breake.
Exit Lawrence.
Over the Bride——
As they lift up the Cake, the Spirit
Forgi’ me
—what’s become
ſnatches it and poures down bran.
Ioan.It ſlipt out of my hand, and is falne into crums I think.
Dought.Crums? the divell of crum is here, but bran, no-
thing but bran, what prodigie is this ?
Parn.Is my beſt Brides Cake come to this! o wea warth it.
Exit Parn. Seely, Joane, and Maides.
Whet.How daintily the Brides haire is powder’d with it.
Arth.My haire ſtands an end to ſee it.
Shak.I was never ſo amaz’d!
Greg.Pax, I think not on’t, ’tis but ſome of my Father and
Mothers roguery, this is a Law-day with ’em, to doe what they
[E3v]Whet.
The Witches of Lancaſhire.
Whet.I never feare any thing, ſo long as my Aunt has but
bidden me thinke of her, and ſhe’1l warrant me.
Dough.Well Gentlemen, let’s follow the reſt in, and feare no-
thing yet, the houſe ſmels well of good cheere.
Seel.Gentlemen, will it pleaſe you draw neere, the gueſts are
now all come, and the houſe almoſt full, meat’s taken up.
Dough.We were now comming.
Seel.But ſonne
Gregory, Nephew
Arthur, and the reſt of
the young Gentlemen,
I ſhall take it for a favor if you will (it is
an office which very good Gentlemen doe in this Country) ac-
compane the Bridegroome in ſerving the meat.
All.
With all our hearts.
Seely.Nay neighbor
Doughty, your yeares ſhall excuſe you.
Dough.Peugh,
I am not ſo old but
I can carry more meate
then
I can eate, if the young raſcals coo’d carry their drinke as
well, the Country would be quieter——
Knock within, as at dreſſer.
Seel.Well fare your hearts,—the dreſſer calls in Gentlemen,
Exeunt Gentlemen.
’Tis a buſie time, yet will
I review the Bill of fare, for this dayes
dinner—
(Reades) for 40. people of the beſt quality, 4. meſſes
of meat;
viz. a leg of Mutton in plum-broth, a diſh of Marrow-
bones, a Capon in white-broth, a Surloyne of beefe, a Pig, a
Gooſe, a Turkie, and two Pyes: for the ſecond courſe, to every
meſſe 4. Chickens in a diſh, a couple of Rabbets, Cuſtard, Flawn,
Florentines, and ſtewd pruines,—all very good Country fare,
Enter Muſitians playing before, Lawrence, Doughty, Ar-
thur, Shakton, Bantam, Whetſtone, and Gregory,
with diſhes: A Spirit (over the doore) does
ſome action to the diſhes as they
enter.
The ſervice enters, O well ſayd Muſicke, play up the meat to
the Table till all be ſerv’d in, Ile ſee it paſſe in anſwer to my bill.
Dough.Hold up your head Mr. Bridegroome.
[E4]Lawr. On
The Witches of Lancaſhire.
Lawr.On afore Fidlers, my doubler cewles in my honds.
Seely.Imprimus, a leg of Mutton in plum-broth, —how now
Mr. Bridegroome, what carry you?
Lawr.’Twere hot eene now, but now it’s caw’d as a ſteane.
Seel.A ſtone, ’tis horne man.
Seely.It was Mutton, but now ’tis the horns on’t.
Fidlers.
Lawr.Aw where’s my Bride—
Exit.
Dough.’Zookes, I brought as good a Surloyne of Beefe from
the Dreſſer as Knife coo’d be put to, and ſee—Ile ſtay i’ this
Arth.And if this were not a Capon in white broth, I am
Shak.All, all’s transform’d, looke you what I have!
Whet.And I! Yet I feare nothing thank my Aunt.
Greg.I had a Pie that is not open’d yet, Ile ſee what’s in that—
live Birds as true as I live, look where they flye!
Exit Spirit.
Dough.Witches, live Witches, the houſe is full of witches,
if we love our lives let’s out on’t.
Enter Joane and Win.
Ioan.O huſband, O gueſts, O fonne, O Gentlemen, ſuch a
chance in a Kitchin was never heard of, all the meat is flowne out
o’ the chimney top I thinke, and nothing inſtead of it, but
Snakes, Batts, Frogs, Beetles, Hornets, and Humbleſbees; all
the Sallets are turn’d to Iewes-eares, Muſhromes, and Puckfiſts;
and all the Cuſtards into Cowſheards!
Dought.VVhat ſhall we doe, dare we ſtay any longer?
Arth.Dare we! why not, I defie all VVitches, and all their
workes; their power on our meat, cannot reach our perſons.
Whet.I ſay ſo too, and ſo my Aunt ever told me, ſo long I
will feare nothing; be not afrayd Mr.
Doughty.
Dough.Zookes, I feare nothing living that I can ſee more
then you, and that’s nothing at all, but to thinke of theſe inviſi-
ble miſchiefes, troubles me I confeſſe.
Arth.Sir I will not goe about to over-rule your reaſon, but
[E4v]for
The Witches of Lancaſhire.
for my part
I will not out of a houſe on a Bridall day, till
I ſee the laſt man borne.
Dough.Zookes thou art ſo brave a fellow that I will ſtick to
thee, and if we come off handſomely, I am an old Batchelour
thou know’ſt, and muſt have an heyre,
I like thy ſpirit, where’s
the Bride? where’s the Bridegroome? where’s the Muſicke?
where be the Laſſes? ha’ you any wine i’ the houſe, though we
make no dinner, lets try if we can make an afternoone.
Ioan.Nay ſir if you pleaſe to ſtay, now that the many are
frighted away,
I have ſome good cold meates, and halfe a dozen
Seel.And
I will bid you welcome.
Dough.Say you me ſo, but will not your ſonne be angry, and
Greg.Feare not you that ſir, for look you
I obey my Father.
oan.And we are all at this inſtant as well and as ſenſible of
our former errors, as you can wiſh us to be.
Dough.Na, if the Witches have but rob’d of your meat, and
reſtor’d your reaſon, here has beene no hurt done to day, but this
is ſtrange, and as great a wonder as the reſt to me.
Arth.It ſeemes though theſe Hags had power to make
the Wedding cheere a
Deceptio viſus, the former ſtore has
Dough.I am glad on’t, but the divell good ’hem with my
Surloyne,
I thought to have ſet that by mine owne Trencher
——
But you have cold meat you ſay?
Dought.I hope the Country wenches and the Fidlers are
Win.They are all here, and one the merrieſt Wench; that
makes all the reſt ſo laugh and tickle.
Seel.Gentlemen will you in?
Dough.If not a Wedding we will make a Wake on ’t, and
away with the Witch;
I feare nothing now you have your wits
againe: but look you, hold ’em while you have ’em.
Exeunt.
FEnter
The Witches of Lancaſhire.
Enter Generous, and Robin, with a Paper.
Gener.I confeſſe thou haſt done a Wonder in fetching me ſo
good Wine, but my good Servant
Robert, goe not about to put
a Myracle upon me,
I will rather beleeve that
Lancaſter affords
this Wine, which
I thought impoſſible till
I taſted it, then that
thou coo’dſt in one night fetch it from
London.
Rob.I have known when you have held mee for an honeſt
fellow, and would have beleev’d me.
Gener.Th’ art a Knave to wiſh me to beleeve this, forgi’ me,
I would have ſworne if thou had’ſt ſtayd but time anſwerable
for the journey (to his that flew to
Paris and back to
London in
a day) it had been the ſame Wine, but it can never fall within
the Chriſtians beleefe, that thou cou’dſt ride above
three hundred miles in 8. houres: You were no longer out, and
upon one Horſe too, and in the Night too!
Rob.And carry a Wench behind me too, and did ſomething
elſe too, but
I muſt not ſpeak of her leſt
I be divell-torne.
Gen.And fill thy bottles too, and come home halfe drunke
too, for ſo thou art, thou wouldſt never a had ſuch a fancy elſe!
Rob.I am ſorry
I have ſayd ſo much, and not let
Lancaſter
have the credit o’ the Wine.
Gen.O are you ſo! and why have you abus’d me and your
ſelfe then all this while, to glorifie the
Myter in
Fleet-ſtreet?
Rob.I could ſay ſir, that you might have the better opinion
of the Wine, for there are a great many pallats in the Kingdome
that can reliſh no Wine, unleſſe it be of ſuch a Taverne, and
drawne by ſuch a Drawer——
Gen.I ſayd, and
I ſay againe, if I were within ten mile of
London, I durſt ſwear that this was
Myter Wine, and drawn
Rob.Nay then ſir I ſwore, and I ſweare againe, honeſt
Iack
Gener.Ha, ha, ha, if
I coo’d beleeve there were ſuch a thing
as Witchcraft,
I ſhould thinke this ſlave were bewitch’d now
[F1v]Rob. Much
The Witches of Lancaſhire.
Rob.Much good doe you ſir, your Wine and your mirth, and
my place for your next Groome,
I deſire not to ſtay to be laught
Gen.Nay be not angry
Robin, we muſt not part ſo, and how
does my honeſt Drawer? ha, ha, ha; and what newes at
Lon-
don,
Robin? ha, ha, ha; but your ſtay was ſo ſhort I think you
coo’d heare none, and ſuch your haſte home that you coo’d
make none: is’t not ſo
Robin? ha, ha, ha, what a ſtrange fancy
has good Wine begot in his head?
Rob.Now will I puſh him over and over with a peece of
paper: Yes ſir,
I have brought you ſomething from
London.
Gen.Come on, now let me heare.
Rob.Your honeſt Drawer ſir, conſidering that you conſi-
der’d him well for his good wine——
Gen.VVhat ſhall we heare now?
Rob.VVas very carefull to keepe or convay this paper to
you, which it ſeemes you dropt in the roome there.
Gener.Bleſe me! this paper belongs to me indeed, ’tis an ac-
quittance, and all
I have to ſhow for the payment of one hun-
dred pound,
I tooke great care for’t, and coo’d not imagine
where or how
I might looſe it, but why may not this bee a
tricke? this Knave may finde it when I loſt it, and conceale
it till now to come over me withall.
I will not trouble my
thoughts with it further at this time, well
Robin looke to your
buſineſſe, and have a care of my Guelding.
Exit Generous.
Robin.Yes Sir.
I think
I have netled him now, but not as
I was netled laſt night, three hundred Miles a Night upon a
Rawbon’d Divell, as in my heart it was a Divell, and then a
Wench that ſhar’d more o’ my backe then the ſayd Divell did
o’ my Bum, this is ranke riding my Maſters: but why had
I ſuch
an itch to tell my Maſter of it, and that he ſhould beleeve it;
I
doe now wiſh that
I had not told, and that hee will not be-
leeve it, for
I dare not tell him the meanes: ’Sfoot my Wench
and her friends the Fiends, will teare me to pieces if
I diſcover
her; a notable rogue, ſhe’s at the Wedding now, for as good a
Mayd as the beſt o’ em —— O my Miſtreſſe.
F 2Enter
The Witches of Lancaſhire.
Enter Mrs Generous, with a Bridle.
Mrs.Quickly good
Robin, the gray Guelding.
Rob.VVhat other horſe you pleaſe Miſtreſſe.
Rob.Truly Miſtreſſe pray pardon me,
I muſt be plaine with
you,
I dare not deliver him you; my maſter has tane notice of
the ill caſe you have brought him home in divers times.
Mrs.O is it ſo, and muſt he be made acquainted with my
actions by you, and muſt
I then be controll’d by him, and now
by you; you are a ſawcy Groome.
Rob.You may ſay your pleaſure.
He turnes from her.
Mrs.No fir, Ile doe my pleaſure.
She Bridles him
Mrs.Horſe, horſe, ſee thou be,
And where
I point thee carry me.
Exeunt Neighing.
Enter Arthur, Shakſton, and Bantam.
Arth.VVas there ever ſuch a medley of mirth, madneſſe,
and drunkenneſſe, ſhuffled together.
Shak.Thy Vnckle and Aunt, old Mr.
Seely and his wife, doe
nothing but kiſſe and play together like Monkeyes.
Arth.Yes, they doe over-love one another now.
Bant.And young
Gregory and his ſiſter doe as much over-
doe their obedience now to their Parents.
Arth.And their Parents as much over-doat upon them, they
are all as farre beyond their wits now in loving one another, as
they were wide of them before in croſſing.
Shak.Yet this is the better madneſſe.
Bant.But the married couple that are both ſo daintily whit-
led, that now they are both mad to be a bed before Supper-
time, and by and by he will, and ſhe wo’ not: ſtreight ſhe will
and he wo’ not, the next minute they both forget they are mar-
ried, and defie one another.
Arth.My ſides eene ake with laughter.
Shak.But the beſt ſport of all is, the old Batchelour Maſter
[F2v]Doughty
The Witches of Lancaſhire.
Doughty, that was ſo cautious, & fear’d every thing to be witch-
craft, is now wound up to ſuch a confidence that there is no ſuch
thing, that hee dares the Divell doe his worſt, and will not out
o’ the houſe by all perſuaſion, and all for the love of the huſband-
mans daughter within,
Mal Spencer.
Arth.There I am in ſome danger, he put me into halfe a be-
liefe I ſhall be his heire, pray love ſhee be not a witch to charme
his love from mee. Of what condition is that wench do’ſt thou
Sha.A little, but
Whetſtone knowes her better.
Arth.Hang him rogue, he’le belye her, and ſpeak better than
ſhe deſerves, for he’s in love with her too. I ſaw old
Doughty
give him a box o’ the eare for kiſſing her, and he turnd about as
he did by thee yeſterday, and ſwore his Aunt ſhould know it.
Bant.Who would ha’ thought that impudent rogue would
have come among us after ſuch a baffle.
Sha.He told me, hee had complain’d to his Aunt on us, and
that ſhe would ſpeak with us.
Arth.Wee will all to her, to patch vp the buſineſſe, for the
reſpect I beare her huſband, noble
Generous.
Enter Whetſtone.
Arth.Hearke you Mr.
Byblow, do you know the laſſe within?
What do you call her,
Mal Spencer?
Whet.Sir, what I know i’le keepe to my ſelfe, a good civile
merry harmleſſe rogue ſhe is, and comes to my Aunt often, and
Arth.You doe well to keepe it to your ſelfe ſir.
Whet.And you may do well to queſtion her if you dare. For
the teſty old coxcombe that will not let her goe out of his
Sha.Take heed, he’s at your heels.
Enter Doughty, Mal, and two countrey Laſſes.
Dough.Come away Wenches, where are you Gentlemen?
Play Fidlers: lets have a dance, ha my little rogue.
Kiſſes Mal.
Zookes what ayles thy noſe.
F 3Mal.
The Witches of Lancaſhire.
Mal.My noſe! Nothing ſir
——turnes about——
Yet mee
thought a flie toucht it. Did you ſee anything?
Dou.No, no, yet I would almoſt ha’ ſworn, I would not have
ſprite or goblin blaſt thy face, for all their kingdome. But hangt
there is no ſuch thing: Fidlers will you play?
Selengers Round
Gentlemen will you dance?
Arth.But ſtay wheres this houſhold?
This Family of love? Let’s have them into the revels.
Enter Seely, Ioane, Greg, Win.
Greg.O Father twentie times a day is too little to aſke you
See.Goe too you are a raſcall: and you houſwife teach your
daughter better manners: i’le ſhip you allfor New England els.
Bant.The knot’s untied, and this is another change.
Ioane.Yes I will teach her manners, or put her out to ſpin
two penny tow: ſo you deare huſband will but take mee into
favor: i’le talke with you dame when the ſtrangers are gone.
Greg. Win.Deare Father and Mother pardon us but this
See. Ioa.Never, and therefore hold your peace.
Dough.Nay thats unreaſonable.
Greg. VVin.Oh! ————
VVeepe.
See.But for your ſake i’le forbeare them, and beare with any
Arth.Doe you note this? Now they are all worſe than e-
ver they were, in a contrary vaine: What thinke you of Witch-
Dou.They are all naturall fooles man, I finde it now.
Art thou mad to dreame of Witchcraft?
Arth.He’s as much chang’d and bewitcht as they I feare.
[F3v]Dou.
The Witches of Lancaſhire.
Dough.Hey day! Here comes the payre of boyld Lovers in
Enter Lawrence and Parnell.
Lawr.Nay deare hunny, nay hunny, but eance, eance.
Par.Na, na. I han’ ſwarne, I han’ ſwarne, not a bit afore bed,
Dough.Come away Bridegroome, wee’ll ſtay your ſtomack
with a daunce. Now maſters play a good: come my Laſſe wee’l
Muſicke. Selengers round.
As they begine to daunce, they play another tune,
then fall into many.
Ar. Ban. Sha.Whether now, hoe?
Dou.Hey day! why you rogues.
Whet.What do’s the Divell ride o’ your Fiddleſtickes.
Dou.You drunken rogues, hold, hold, I ſay, and begin againe
ſoberly the beginning of the World.
Muſicke. Every one a ſeverall tune.
Arth. Bant. Shak.Ha, ha, ha, How’s this?
Bant.Every one a ſeverall tune.
Dou.This is ſomething towards it. I bad them play the be-
ginning o’ the World, and they play, I know not what.
Arth.No ’tis running o’ the country ſeverall waies.
But what do you thinke on’t.
Muſicke ceaſe.
Dough.Thinke! I thinke they are drunke. Prithee doe not
thou thinke of Witchcraft; for my part, I ſhall as ſoone thinke
this maid one, as that theres any in
Lancaſhire.
Dough.Why do’ſt thou laugh?
Mal.To thinke this Bridegroome ſhould once ha’ bin mine,
but he ſhall rue it, ile hold him this point on’t, and thats all I care
Whet.I tell you ſir, they ſay ſhee made a paylefollow her
t’other day up two payre of ſtayres.
Arth.O ſir forget your anger.
F 4Mal
The Witches of Lancaſhire.
Mal.Looke you Mr. Bridegroome, what my care provides
Mal.Yes put it in your pocket, it may ſtand you inſtead a-
non, when all your points be tane away, to truſſe up your trin-
kits, I meane your ſlopes withall.
Lawr.Mal for awd acquaintance I will ma’ thy point a
point of preferment. It ſhan bee the Foreman of a haell Iewrie
o’ points, and right here will I weare it.
Par.Wy’a, wy’a, awd leove wo no be forgetten, but ay’s ne-
ver be jealous the mare for that.
Arth.Play fidlers any thing.
Dou.I, and lets ſee your faces, that you play fairely with us.
Muſitians ſhew themſelves above.
Fid.We do ſir, as loud as we can poſſibly.
Sha.Play out that we may heare you.
Fid.So we do ſir, as loud as we can poſſibly.
Dough.Doe you heare any thing?
Dough.’Tis ſo, the rogues are brib’d to croſſe me;
And their Fiddles ſhall ſuffer, I will breake em as ſmall as the
Arth.Looke you ſir, they’l ſave you a labour, they are doing
Whet.Oh brave Fidlers, there was never better ſcuffling for
Mal.This is mother
Iohnſon and Gooddy
Dickiſons rogue-
rie I finde it, but I cannot helpe it, yet I will have muſicke: ſir
theres a Piper without, would be glad to earne money.
Whet.She has ſpoke to purpoſe, & whether this were witch-
craft or not: I have heard my Aunt ſay twentie times, that no
Witchcraft can take hold of a
Lancaſhire Bag-pipe, for it ſelfe
is able to charme the Divell, ile fetch him.
Dough.Well ſaid, a good boy now; come bride and bride-
groome, leave your kiſſing and fooling, and prepare to come in-
to the daunce. Wee’le have a Horne-pipe, and then a poſſet and
[F4v][to]
The Witches of Lancaſhire.
to bed when you pleaſe. Welcome Piper, blow till thy bagge
cracke agen, a luſty Horne-pipe, and all into the daunce, nay
Daunce. Lawrence and Parnell reele in the daunce
At the end, Mal vaniſhes, & the piper
Dou.Stay, wheres my laſſe?
Arth. Ban. Shak.Vaniſht, ſhe and the Piper both vaniſht, no
Dou.Now do I plainly perceive again, here has bin nothing
but witcherie all this day; therfore into your poſſet, & agree a-
mong your ſelves as you can, ile out o’the houſe. And Gentle-
men, if you love me or your ſelves, follow me.
Ar. Bant. Sha. VVhet.I, I, Away, away.
Exeunt.
See.Now good ſon, wife and daughter, let me intreat you
Win.O you are a trim mother are you not?
Ioa.Indeed childe, ile do ſo no more.
Greg.Now ſir, i’le talke with you, your champions are al gon.
Lawr.Weell ſir, and what wun yeou deow than?
Par.Whay, whay, whats here to doe? Come awaw, and
whickly, and ſee us into our Brayd Chember, & delicatly ludgd
togeder, or wee’l whap you out o’ dores ith morne to ſijourne
in the common, come away.
All.Wee follow yee.
Exeunt.
